( oh. oh yikes. a good pause, miai realizing there was a gravity to this situation that he hadn't realized before. )
i did, but when he told me not to say i thought it was because he meant to tell you himself
( and, well, miai knew leo, but he didn't know tsukasa, so he had no reason to care about how tsukasa felt on the matter. he didn't want to get involved in their family situation, sure, but... it sounded like a thin excuse now. )
i wouldn't know why he did it as he did; you'd have to ask and you don't have to talk to him now but talking to him, or to me about something done that's hurt you, shouldn't be the same as saying you hate someone
( implicit apology / permission for tsukasa to be upset at him too if he wishes to be ... sorry lil dude ... )
[ of course he did. tsukasa feels himself sink a little, into the flash of hurt and anger, but... it wasn't like him and miai knew each other, then. he wouldn't have had reason to care about tsukasa, or why he'd have to keep mum... and it isn't like anyone likes to get involved in family disputes.
it's why he doesn't talk about what goes on at home, why he doesn't talk about his brother to anyone—it hurt leo to hear it, that his little brother doesn't chat up a storm the way he does, but... ]
I'm afraid he'll take it that way though. Even if you don't. Niisan's softhearted, you know.
( and he doesn't say that in any cruel way, even though leo's been a recent source of heartache. leo just ... is so much softer than the reckless sort of life he's lived, a scrambling kid that's just easily bruised. it's what makes him dear— to everyone, probably; miai's never been alone. )
i think we all have a bit of growing to do, i guess to be gentle is good but
( ... no, no he's going to just... start talking about leo, and that's not the point. okay. )
but as for you, what you ought to do i mean, i can't tell you for certain
but you either talk to him eventually or you never do
if you choose to talk and if he's soft, then be soft as him if you'd rather avoid the matter then you're free to continue as you are
( ... mmm ... )
well i don't know if it's coincidence, but leo seems somewhat the same he doesn't like to say things if it'll cause someone to feel hurt even if it's a thing that needs to be said
so i don't know if this is true, but maybe there's things he'd like to tell you right now, too but he's afraid to say it just as you feel the same toward him
i don't know if speaking will fix it or if it fixes everything but it's a motion toward something and perhaps that motion is preferable to the weight of inertia you feel now
[ well, leo has always been his role model; it's natural they would've ended up similar, despite the fact they still have a nasty habit of being too honest. but when it comes to talking about their feelings, how people have hurt those, because hearing that kind of truth might hurt those people...
it never comes out, like it's all stopped up. better to suffer in silence, or something. he rarely talks about his feelings, positive or negative, for fear that he'll hurt something (change something, irreparably), and... sure, that isn't good, but... ]
It is. I'll talk to him, sometime... I just
[ ... ]
I don't know if I want to know, but, I sort of want to ask everyone if they knew he'd been in the city for years too? I don't know how to go about that without asking each of them individually, and even then, when I have my answer, what would I do with it? Be mad at them, when Leonii probably asked them to keep quiet? I mean, sure, it'll still hurt, but it still comes back to having to talk to him in the end... I'll still be mad at them, but won't it be kind of pointless to be, kind of like being mad at you? It isn't like any of them knew me before last year.
well i'm not going to say that's wrong, fundamentally holding onto upset generally doesn't amount to anything, but i would argue against equating that with the idea that feeling at all, is some sort of mistake a fate to be avoided
would knowing help you feel better than not knowing but remaining suspicious? then i think that may be a start
( a beat )
it's true that we didn't know you then and leo may have asked us, and we may have had other reasons for not speaking, but even if the past is done an apology, for one, might feel better than nothing better than maintaining the status quo, i'd argue
[ he always has such hard conversations with miai, but they're rewarding. mm... ]
I think I'd feel better knowing for sure, instead of just worrying about it.
[ and apologies would be nice, too, but... it's mostly... not wanting to be sus of everyone he talks to. especially in idol chat, considering they already have their memories to contend with. he can ask his friends who know leo later— there's only izumi, really. ]
Thanks, Miisan. For being honest and for talking to me And for asking me to stay with you, too. I'm really sorry for bothering you with this stuff though. I don't Really like involving people in my business if I can really help it. I guess that's something me and Suou share.
( see, he always has a wealth of advice for tsukasa ... because, even though their situations are entirely opposite, he reminds him both of himself and his own brother ... and maybe it's a little bit cathartic, to pass on things he'd wished he'd done or known, nudge him toward paths he wishes he knew how to take himself.
so it's all a little bit selfish, in that way. )
well, you're in bad luck because i'm a terribly nosy person who likes being involved in people's business, in or out of bed ♪ so bother me whenever, all right? i don't know how things were between us in the life before this but i know for certain now you're a friend whom i treasure a little light spilling from your cave i may not be perfect, but i'll do all i can to support you ama~chan ☆
[ ...ugh, he doesn't deserve this, maybe. mm, no, that's not how he should think about this. whether or not he deserves it, he's getting it, right? he feels so warm. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i did, but when he told me not to say i thought it was because he meant to tell you himself
( and, well, miai knew leo, but he didn't know tsukasa, so he had no reason to care about how tsukasa felt on the matter. he didn't want to get involved in their family situation, sure, but... it sounded like a thin excuse now. )
i wouldn't know why he did it as he did; you'd have to ask
and you don't have to talk to him now
but talking to him, or to me
about something done that's hurt you, shouldn't be the same as saying you hate someone
( implicit apology / permission for tsukasa to be upset at him too if he wishes to be ... sorry lil dude ... )
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it's why he doesn't talk about what goes on at home, why he doesn't talk about his brother to anyone—it hurt leo to hear it, that his little brother doesn't chat up a storm the way he does, but... ]
I'm afraid he'll take it that way though.
Even if you don't.
Niisan's softhearted, you know.
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he is
( and he doesn't say that in any cruel way, even though leo's been a recent source of heartache. leo just ... is so much softer than the reckless sort of life he's lived, a scrambling kid that's just easily bruised. it's what makes him dear— to everyone, probably; miai's never been alone. )
i think
we all have a bit of growing to do, i guess
to be gentle is good but
( ... no, no he's going to just... start talking about leo, and that's not the point. okay. )
but as for you, what you ought to do
i mean, i can't tell you for certain
but you either talk to him eventually
or you never do
if you choose to talk
and if he's soft,
then be soft as him
if you'd rather avoid the matter
then you're free to continue as you are
( ... mmm ... )
well
i don't know if it's coincidence, but
leo seems somewhat the same
he doesn't like to say things if it'll cause someone to feel hurt
even if it's a thing that needs to be said
so i don't know if this is true, but
maybe there's things he'd like to tell you right now, too
but he's afraid to say it
just as you feel the same toward him
i don't know if speaking will fix it
or if it fixes everything
but it's a motion toward something
and perhaps that motion is preferable
to the weight of inertia you feel now
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it never comes out, like it's all stopped up. better to suffer in silence, or something. he rarely talks about his feelings, positive or negative, for fear that he'll hurt something (change something, irreparably), and... sure, that isn't good, but... ]
It is.
I'll talk to him, sometime...
I just
[ ... ]
I don't know if I want to know, but,
I sort of want to ask everyone if they knew he'd been in the city for years too?
I don't know how to go about that without asking each of them individually, and even then, when I have my answer, what would I do with it?
Be mad at them, when Leonii probably asked them to keep quiet? I mean, sure, it'll still hurt, but it still comes back to having to talk to him in the end...
I'll still be mad at them, but won't it be kind of pointless to be, kind of like being mad at you?
It isn't like any of them knew me before last year.
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i'm not going to say that's wrong, fundamentally
holding onto upset generally doesn't amount to anything, but
i would argue against equating that with
the idea that feeling at all, is some sort of mistake
a fate to be avoided
would knowing help you feel better than not knowing but
remaining suspicious? then i think that may be a start
( a beat )
it's true that we didn't know you then
and leo may have asked us, and we may have had other reasons for not speaking, but
even if the past is done
an apology, for one, might feel better than nothing
better than maintaining the status quo, i'd argue
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I think
I'd feel better knowing for sure, instead of just worrying about it.
[ and apologies would be nice, too, but... it's mostly... not wanting to be sus of everyone he talks to. especially in idol chat, considering they already have their memories to contend with. he can ask his friends who know leo later— there's only izumi, really. ]
Thanks, Miisan.
For being honest and for talking to me
And for asking me to stay with you, too.
I'm really sorry for bothering you with this stuff though.
I don't
Really like involving people in my business if I can really help it.
I guess that's something me and Suou share.
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so it's all a little bit selfish, in that way. )
well, you're in bad luck
because i'm a terribly nosy person who likes being involved in people's business, in or out of bed ♪
so bother me whenever, all right?
i don't know how things were between us in the life before this
but i know for certain now you're a friend whom i treasure
a little light spilling from your cave
i may not be perfect, but i'll do all i can to support you
ama~chan ☆
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323 ♪
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see you this weekend ♪
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